Laughing Demon

Title: Entry - 001 Date of Occurrence: 03-27-26XX Date Released: 04-03-26XX It has been a few days since this particular incident, but I remember it well. It was lunch time. As usual I sat by myself in the ominous cafeteria, where the other subjects were also getting their food. The subject (Laughing Demon) was about to sit down at my usual table, which I didn't mind. As I approached and sat down at my usual seat - the chair that allowed my back to be facing the white cinder block wall - she stood up from her half-sitting position, proceeding to walk to the next table. I, at first, thought nothing of this. This constituent had just arrived at the Facility, and since my unfiltered "advice" to her, she seemed to be avoiding me. I took no offense in this. I had spoken my truth. The same truth many of the other residents of the Facility were thinking, yet refused to verbalize. So, in my frustration, I decided (at the time it felt as if the frustration had taken over) to speak on the subject matter that shall remain undisclosed. I sat there. Eating the same unappealing food I had now grown accustomed to eating. So I apologize for the lack of gustatious descriptions, however I am grateful I have food to eat. After perhaps a couple bites, the Laughing Demon stands up from her seat on the other table across from me, and approaches. "I'm sorry," she says, voice shaking and hands holding each other like a child that has just committed the worst of playground crimes. I look up, still chowing from my last bite of food. "I saw you on the hall before, and I didn't come up to say hi." She continues. At this point confusion starts to unravel in my brain. You see, I - for the most part - live in my own head. Constantly trying to solve my own inner narratives with hopes of one day leaving this place. I had spent most of that day like I do most now: trying to make a living and keeping my inner fire alive in a dying colorless world. So, her approach, or lack there of, was not something I noticed. After all, most of the times I have music blasting in my ears, and a "do not fuck with me" face to desguise my actual cravings for connection. Anyways, she continues, still fumbling her hands. "I was gonna give you a hug," which I immediately am thankful it didn't happen, "and tell you that God loves you." A pause. Oh yes, this next part is what has bothered me since. "Even if you don't have any friends," she continued, "God loves you." I sat there, a bit shocked at the AUDACITY! Oh, but it is not over. She proceeded still. "If you are faithful to God, He will give you friends. He will place the right people in your life. So, even if you don't have any friends, God STILL loves you." She resumed. My JAW DROPPED. Not literally, but my mind went blank, trying to process what I had just heard. "Thank you," I say after a quick thought on how to respond without being offensive to a being who knows absolutely nothing of my life. She smiles in satisfaction like someone who has never experienced true pleasure in life, thus relapsing to an invisible father figure who deems himself almighty yet only knows how to express affection by imposing himself in the defenseless minds of the weak. For, in her mind, somewhere, what she has just said is salvation to a "lost" soul like mine. She goes back to her chosen seat, away from me, with more confidence now than when she first approached me. It is as if her "God loves you despite you being a fucking loner" speech has given her the narcissistic boost she needed to proceed with her meal without guilt. While I, now baffled and confused by the mental exercise she must've gone through to conjure such a "hopeful" message, sat there, eating the bland food in front of me.